Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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