Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
