Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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