im having a threesome with these popsicles
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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