Cold hands, warm shart.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
