they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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