My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
