umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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