we made out on top of his cat.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
