Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
