You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
