The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
