do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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