i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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