Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
