i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize