Don't make out with my wife yet
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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