if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
