covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
