The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
