I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
