: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
