At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can you bring me the toilet please
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
