I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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