My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
