everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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