You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
