I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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