I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
