I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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