Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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