I hate all girls vehemently.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
