I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
