He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
