Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
