Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
