obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
