i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
