You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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