i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
