8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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