Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize