We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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