tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
