please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
