I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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