The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
