I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No subtext here. People are naked.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
