I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
