Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
