I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
