Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
