You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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