You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
