hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
