Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
