Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
