what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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