he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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