Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
