i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
