dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize