I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize