Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
