By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
