They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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