It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
