it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
