so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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