you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who died my cat blue again?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
