Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize