dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
