three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
