you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
