So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
